Passing it on

When I was pregnant with both little lady and D I couldn’t help spending time thinking about the things they would get from me. Would they have my dark hair or be lighter like their dad? Would they have my dark brown eyes?

Little lady has her dad’s light brown hair and green/brown eyes. She tans easily like her father and has his laid back nature. She has inherited his love for books and reading. She has many of his characteristics and yet looks (as I’m told often) exactly like me. D on the other hand, has much darker hair and eyes. He has pale skin and loves routine, just like me.

I still spend time wondering which parts of their developing personality will come from me and which parts will come from their dad. It’s so interesting to see two children so alike but again, so different. Both made by the same parents, sharing the same genes but both their own unique person.

But what about the things we don’t want to pass on? Do I really want to wish my nose (that I got from my dad) on my children? What about my chunky thighs (my nan’s side of the family)? What about my deafness??

D will be 3 years old in 3 months time and his speech is very poor. At first it is easy to pass off with the age old “all children develop at different rates” or the other one “boys are much lazier than girls”. But at what point do you start to worry? When you notice he’s not mixing with other children because he can’t communicate with them? When you realise that he will start school in January and start worrying that if he can’t speak English properly, how will he cope in a welsh language school? When the speech therapist suggests to you that you should get his hearing tested?

Of all the things I could give my son, I may have given him my deafness. I know I may be worrying prematurely, but just thinking of all the times I’ve struggled to keep up with a conversation, making excuses not to go out with friends as I know conversations will be difficult to follow when there is a group of people. Annoying other people with the subtitles on the TV, having to choose whether to crochet/knitn or watch a DVD (okay, so that might not be a big worry to him) as it’s hard to read the subtitles and look at my crochet/knitting at the same time.

I’ve had my hearing aids over 20 years now and they are part of me. Even little lady knows that I can’t hear her without them in. I am finally comfortable to admit to people that I “don’t hear very well” but it’s taken me 20 years to get here. I don’t want to pass that on to my beautiful boy. I’d rather he had my nose.

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2 thoughts on “Passing it on

  1. Ah I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I hadn’t realised you’re deaf! Fingers crossed that it’s something less serious in D’s case, but if not I’m sure technology has advanced in the intervening years and he will have a much easier time of it than you did – smaller hearing aids, less-invasive procedures, etc (I really don’t know what I’m talking about here, just generalising, but hopefully I’m right!)

    Both kids are obviously happy and well-loved and that is the main thing 🙂 XX

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