Yesterday I was taught a very valuable life lesson and it has made me change my way of thinking. This is a positive thing and I am glad this happened, but in another way I feel sad as it made me realise how low my self esteem can be.
As you may already know I love sewing. I have made clothes for myself since I was a teenager and I loved having clothes that suited me, were one of a kind and exactly how I wanted them to be. After having little lady I went through a very bad time and pretty much gave up sewing. I couldn’t bear to wear anything I made as it wasn’t good enough so I put my lovely Brother away. I couldn’t even look at him without feeling inadequate. It was a very sad time for me.
Eventually, about 2 years ago I started sewing again. I made dresses for myself and for little lady but I very rarely wore the things I made for me and little lady’s dresses were hidden in the back of her wardrobe after one outing. Why? Because they were
handmade no HOMEmade. Little lady loves the clothes that I make her but I hide them after she has worn them once as I fear her being that child in school who wears homemade clothes.
Does anyone else see the difference between the two words? Handmade brings to mind quality whereas homemade is something a bit “thrown together”. This was my mindset anyway. If I wore anything that I had made I would shy away from people in case they commented on my outfit. In fact the thing I dreaded most of all was someone asking “have you made that?” This was, to me, full confirmation that my dress was so poorly made it screamed “HOMEMADE” and that hurt. It further reinforced my feelings of inadequacy. Even my recent Deer dress has only been worn twice and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that dress. Even reading the post back I mention that I was afraid to put the picture up in case you judged me.
But something happened yesterday morning that made me rethink my attitudes. I was lucky enough to get a
second hand new-to-me gorgeous Laura Ashley dress. The print and the fit of the dress is gorgeous. It feels lovely, it looks lovely, it quite frankly IS lovely. Yesterday was the first outing of my new dress and I felt fantastic in it. Well why shouldn’t I? It’s a lovely dress.
I got to where I was going and a friend came up to me and commented on my dress “I love your dress” she said before adding “did you make that?” I was a bit shocked and said no. Why would she think I had made it? It is a gorgeous dress. Surely she could see that?
By the time I left 3 other people had made the same comments about my dress. All of them saying how lovely it was. All of them asking if I had made it! On the way home my mind was reeling. Why would they think I had made this? Hubby said that it was probably due to the print. Yes I suppose the print was different to other dresses you would see in the shops but then, it isn’t a dress you would find in your average high street shop. I thought about the other dresses I had made. All of them had a fantastic print/design on them. None of which you would find in your average high street shop.
I think that is when the penny dropped. People were not asking me if I had made my outfit because it was so poorly made, they were asking me because it was so different. And that is the exact reason I started sewing in the first place! Low self esteem had not only taken away all the confidence I had in my makes, but had taken away my love for sewing altogether 😦 this makes me feel very sad.
However, every cloud has a silver lining they say and this harsh truth has made me want to sew again. I already have a dress in mind and will start drafting the pattern this week. Can you believe how excited I am? This time I plan to wear my handmade outfits with pride.